it's surreal.

i feel like all my life i've been dying to be in college. i've been wanting to leave and get out of georgia and move on with my life and be at BYU. now its here. i leave in one week. i move on with my life. i go to BYU. it's real. i'm old. enough. all that i've been waiting for is finally here. but now that it's here i don't know how to handle it. all of my friends have left for college already. i've skyped them and seen them in their dorms and it seems like they belong there, but for some reason i can't imagine that being my life. i'm not supposed to be old enough to go to college. i'm supposed to be the little sister left at home. always. but now not only am i going to be just across the road from two of my sisters, but i'm also going to the same school as them. i'm going to be in utah. UTAH. that is across the freaking country. i'm not just gonna be an hour away or 4 hours away. i can't just get in my car and drive home if i miss my mom or forgot my favorite dress. i will be hours away. days away even. depending on the mode of transportation. i just can't believe this is really happening. i am beyond excited and ready to leave, but then again i can't picture myself not at home. when i want to go shopping or get my nails done or have someone make me breakfast, i can't just scream my mom's name. she won't come running downstairs. even if i call her she won't be able to do anything to put my life at ease. i love my mom. i love how much she loves me. i love our beyond ridiculous relationship. my dad won't walk in my room on a saturday morning and say "i want to buy your love. let's go to the mall." instead i won't go to the mall 4 times in one week (like i did this week). i may not even go to the mall at all. or for months at a time. i'm excited for my new life, but i'm so incredibly terrified at the same time. my life will literally be turning upside down. okay that might be a little bit dramatic. but still. it will be different. it will be crazy. it will be something i've never experienced before. i'm not good with change, but i think this is a change i am ready for. i cannot believe it's finally here though. it really is surreal.